I love curling up with a cookbook and flipping through the descriptions and photos for inspiration. (Unless of course dinner is in an hour and I haven’t even been to the grocery store.) I’ve purchased and been given quite a few cookbooks over the years, but there are some that stand out as absolute favorites that I reach for time and again.
Fairchild, Barbara. bon appetit fast easy fresh cookbook 1,100 quick dishes for everynight cooking
I checked this cookbook out of the library (try before you buy, a great way to get fresh dinner inspiration regularly!), and loved it so much that I mentioned it to my mother who got it for me for Christmas. Every recipe, and I mean every recipe, that I have made from this cookbook has turned out amazing. It has a focus on fresh ingredients and food that is flavored by herbs, spices and produce rather than a lot of fat or sugar. The flavors are amazing, and the recipes are easy to prepare. Some of our favorites: Pork cutlets with figs and balsamic vinegar, salmon with pistachio-basil butter, chicken with spicy peanut sauce, linguine with pears and gorgonzola cheese.
Bittman, Mark. Quick and Easy Recipes from The New York Times
I am a bit of a Mark Bittman enthusiast, and I’ve been slowly converting friends and family too. This is one of my favorite recipe books for a fast dinner because most of the recipes have very few ingredients, which cuts down on prep time and or shopping time if I do need to run to the store for something. They’re simple, but still creative. Some favorites: chicken with apricots, grilled steak with roquefort sauce, penne with butternut squash, salmon burgers.
Bittman, Mark How to Cook Everything
Presumptuous title, insanely awesome cookbook. Each chapter starts with a basic overview of the topic to help provide an understanding of the fundamentals that will benefit you no matter which recipe you choose. Everything from how to select fresh fish to the different types of flour and how to substitute them in various recipes. Much of my confidence in the kitchen comes from reading the beginning of each chapter and applying that knowledge to all of my cooking. He’s also great at providing helpful variations on primary recipes so you can take one basic recipe and make it many ways. His suggestions often spark my own creative combinations, whether it’s add ins to pasta or a new quickbread recipe. Some favorites: sauteed chicken cutlets with lime sauce, overnight waffles, curried chicken and apple salad, chicken and garlic stew.
Bittman, Mark How to Cook Everything Vegetarian
Eating vegetarian meals at least a few nights a week is healthier for us and better for our environment. Bittman’s large volume has helped me move beyond the stereotypical pasta and rice dishes and into more exotic grains like quinoa and bulgur wheat. It has charts on how to cook almost every kind of grain and legume you can find, tables on the best methods and cook times for vegetables, and a lot of suggestions on how to cook a balanced vegetarian meal. It’s full of informative reading, excerpts on whole wheat pasta and pasta alternatives, a detailed description on making your own gnocchi, a chart detailing which types of potatoes work best in which types of recipes, 17 dip suggestions for serving with crudite. Reading this doesn’t just make one dinner, it makes you a better and more informed cook. Some favorites: beets baked in foil, curried eggplant with coconut milk, simpler than pilaf baked rice.
Druker, Marjorie with Silverstein, Clara. New England Soup Factory Cookbook
Greg works near the New England Soup Factory, which is one of our favorite lunch spots for rainy days especially. Their lobster bisque is to die for, but I’ve never had a soup there I didn’t like. Their cookbook is absolutely amazing, and it’s helped me reach a new appreciation for soups. They are chock full of vegetables, many of them freeze well, and they can feed a ton of people and keep warm if guests are late in arriving. Not to mention that they’re delicious, especially with these recipes. Some favorites: carrot and ginger soup, sweet potato chicken and barley soup, chicken tortellini soup, apple onion and cheddar soup, caribbean chicken soup with coconut.
Publications International, Hershey’s Best Loved Recipes
Our chocolate loving friend Danielle gave this to me on the occasion of my bridal shower in 2007, and it’s been my default for cakes especially ever since. If you’ve been over and had chocolate cake, it was the Hershey’s Perfectly Chocolate Chocolate Cake from page 8. For Greg’s birthday every year? The German Chocolate Cake. My birthday one year and only one because I want to have more birthdays? The flour-less chocolate torte, made by Greg. Oh and it was amazing.
Mom, Kelly’s Family Cookbook
When I was nine months old, my mother took a blank journal and started writing in it all the favorite family recipes that she made, and we requested, often through the years. It has all my favorite bread recipes, plus Grammie Ruth’s vegetable soup, the zucchini bread we couldn’t get enough of growing up, how to make mom’s chicken pie, you name it. Pretty soon I’m going to start one for Will.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Pumpkin and Spinach Baby Muffins (8 Months Plus)
Will has finally started eating solids with great enthusiasm - with one caveat. Wants to do it himself. Vehemently. This makes finger foods my friend, since his frantic grabbing for spoons full of baby food requires a great deal of effort on my part to keep aimed towards his mouth rather than forehead. Half a jar of baby food mutually guided works especially well for both of us when it's supplemented by something he can have complete control over, like baby puffs or teething biscuits.
When I give him something he can eat on his own, he gets a great deal of entertainment and satisfaction, and I get ten to fifteen minutes to eat my own food, empty the dishwasher, or start dinner. (All while keeping an eye out for choking, of course.)
But while baby puffs are well received, they're expensive and not very nutrient or calorie dense. So I flipped through my baby cookbooks and saw some recipes for baby muffins. Just the thing! Except that most of them had eggs and added sugar, the first being a no-no for babies under a year, and the second being something I'd like to avoid as much as possible.
So I took some inspiration from about five different recipes, substituted apple sauce for the eggs as a binding agent, sweetened it lightly with molasses, and made Will some mini-muffins that are chock full of vitamins AND entertainment.
Here's the recipe:
1 and 3/4 cups organic all purpose flour*
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
dash of ginger
1 cup finely chopped fresh organic baby spinach
1 cup organic pureed pumpkin
1/2 cup no sugar added applesauce (I use homemade, see baby food blog)
1/4 cup vegetable or canola oil
1/4 cup molasses
1/2 cup water (more as needed)
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Mix the dry ingredients and then add the wet ingredients and stir just until blended. Add a little more water if necessary to reach a thick batter consistency. Spoon into a greased mini-muffin tin. Bake in middle of oven for about ten minutes until tops are lightly browned and a toothpick comes out clean. Cool in pan for a few minutes then remove to finish cooling on a wire rack.
*Talk to your pediatrician about any new recipe, and about serving wheat, especially if you have family history of food allergies. Will had already had wheat prior to this with no reaction, so our pediatrician cleared this recipe for him. Look into substituting rice flour.
Will ate two of these with great gusto even after he had already had his normal dinner of baby food! I put most of them in the freezer and kept out some for the next few days. I plan to thaw them on the counter overnight for more nutritious entertainment in the coming months.
I hope to experiment with more muffin recipes in the future. Sweet potato, zucchini, carrots - any vegetables that do well in quick breads are shoe-ins for baby muffin recipes where you get to control the sugar. Once Will is a year old I can substitute whole wheat flour for some of the regular flour and up the fiber and nutrient profile of the muffins, plus at that age you can usually introduce cow's milk and eggs, so baking will be even easier. Until then, I am considering taking some help from a vegan cookbook (local library here I come!) to find tips for baking without milk and eggs.
I loves muffins.
When I give him something he can eat on his own, he gets a great deal of entertainment and satisfaction, and I get ten to fifteen minutes to eat my own food, empty the dishwasher, or start dinner. (All while keeping an eye out for choking, of course.)
But while baby puffs are well received, they're expensive and not very nutrient or calorie dense. So I flipped through my baby cookbooks and saw some recipes for baby muffins. Just the thing! Except that most of them had eggs and added sugar, the first being a no-no for babies under a year, and the second being something I'd like to avoid as much as possible.
So I took some inspiration from about five different recipes, substituted apple sauce for the eggs as a binding agent, sweetened it lightly with molasses, and made Will some mini-muffins that are chock full of vitamins AND entertainment.
Here's the recipe:
1 and 3/4 cups organic all purpose flour*
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
dash of ginger
1 cup finely chopped fresh organic baby spinach
1 cup organic pureed pumpkin
1/2 cup no sugar added applesauce (I use homemade, see baby food blog)
1/4 cup vegetable or canola oil
1/4 cup molasses
1/2 cup water (more as needed)
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Mix the dry ingredients and then add the wet ingredients and stir just until blended. Add a little more water if necessary to reach a thick batter consistency. Spoon into a greased mini-muffin tin. Bake in middle of oven for about ten minutes until tops are lightly browned and a toothpick comes out clean. Cool in pan for a few minutes then remove to finish cooling on a wire rack.
*Talk to your pediatrician about any new recipe, and about serving wheat, especially if you have family history of food allergies. Will had already had wheat prior to this with no reaction, so our pediatrician cleared this recipe for him. Look into substituting rice flour.
Will ate two of these with great gusto even after he had already had his normal dinner of baby food! I put most of them in the freezer and kept out some for the next few days. I plan to thaw them on the counter overnight for more nutritious entertainment in the coming months.
I hope to experiment with more muffin recipes in the future. Sweet potato, zucchini, carrots - any vegetables that do well in quick breads are shoe-ins for baby muffin recipes where you get to control the sugar. Once Will is a year old I can substitute whole wheat flour for some of the regular flour and up the fiber and nutrient profile of the muffins, plus at that age you can usually introduce cow's milk and eggs, so baking will be even easier. Until then, I am considering taking some help from a vegan cookbook (local library here I come!) to find tips for baking without milk and eggs.
I loves muffins.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Oh, the Places We Go - Our Car Journal
I love my Subaru Outback. It's got plenty of space for a car seat, Will's stroller, and all the baby gear you'd ever need for a weekend in Maine. It hauls garden plants and top soil like it was made for it, and in the winter, it could safely transport a Floridian driver down unplowed New England roads.
Plus, it reminds me of my first car, a blue 1983 Subaru GL hatchback that I loved right up past it's nineteenth birthday when my parents had to sell it because it wouldn't wait the long winters for me to come home from college, and I couldn't bring it with me to Atlanta.
Seeing my excitement about my Subaru, and knowing how I hope to have this car for years, Greg came up with the brilliant idea of keeping a car journal. Every thousand miles, I pull out a little notebook from the glove compartment and record the date, mileage, and where we're going.
I've got 12 entries now, and they're little snippets of our lives and the places the car has taken us. They start before Will was born, and even before our house was done. Trips to Maine. Prenatal yoga. Cat to the vet. Dinner with friends. Costco and lunch with Greg and Will.
As an added benefit, I now keep much better track of my mileage, which means my scheduled maintenance happens much closer to when it should. Never a bad thing with a baby on board.
I look forward to seeing where I'll be each time the odometer ticks over another thousand, and I love reading the little snippets of our lives that might otherwise be forgotten. It captures everyday living, the moments that otherwise get lost as not important enough to photograph or write about, despite their being the bulk of our experience.
And I think that's kind of neat.
Plus, it reminds me of my first car, a blue 1983 Subaru GL hatchback that I loved right up past it's nineteenth birthday when my parents had to sell it because it wouldn't wait the long winters for me to come home from college, and I couldn't bring it with me to Atlanta.
Seeing my excitement about my Subaru, and knowing how I hope to have this car for years, Greg came up with the brilliant idea of keeping a car journal. Every thousand miles, I pull out a little notebook from the glove compartment and record the date, mileage, and where we're going.
I've got 12 entries now, and they're little snippets of our lives and the places the car has taken us. They start before Will was born, and even before our house was done. Trips to Maine. Prenatal yoga. Cat to the vet. Dinner with friends. Costco and lunch with Greg and Will.
As an added benefit, I now keep much better track of my mileage, which means my scheduled maintenance happens much closer to when it should. Never a bad thing with a baby on board.
I look forward to seeing where I'll be each time the odometer ticks over another thousand, and I love reading the little snippets of our lives that might otherwise be forgotten. It captures everyday living, the moments that otherwise get lost as not important enough to photograph or write about, despite their being the bulk of our experience.
And I think that's kind of neat.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Garden update
Our vegetable garden is growing!
We have carrots, leaf lettuce, cucumbers, and green beans all happily sprouting. If plants are happy. And actually our green beans appear to be getting eaten by something... but everything else is doing well!
We have carrots, leaf lettuce, cucumbers, and green beans all happily sprouting. If plants are happy. And actually our green beans appear to be getting eaten by something... but everything else is doing well!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Pantry Re-org! (I can hardly contain myself?)
I was lucky enough recently to have my mother-in-law come visit for a few days, keeping Will very entertained and giving me time to tackle some of the projects that I think about daily and make progress on never.
This included a complete cleansing and re-organization of our pantry, complete with a trip to the container store. Sure, I could have done it while taking care of Will, but we would have had cluttered countertops and dirty laundry for a week. (It's definitely one of those projects that gets far worse before it gets better.) So when an Angel of Baby Entertaining descended, it was pantry time!
I pulled everything out, sorted it into categories, and THEN made a list of what containers to purchase. (I was so impressed with myself for doing it in that order.) I would like to say I then measured the pantry and wrote down the dimensions, but actually I got incredibly lucky.
When I got home, I put my grouped items into bins, pulled out the label maker and went to town. Some of the boxes were easy to label - pasta, desserts. Pretty logical if you're looking for spaghetti or brownie mix. But the box with bread crumbs, corn meal, and oats? I almost labeled it "grains" and called it a day. But that wouldn't really help me if I was looking for one of those items or trying to remember where to put it back. So I typed out an individual label for each item in the bin rather than categorizing, and now I can actually find things without trying to guess whether bread crumbs should be in a bin labeled grains, flours, or cooking. As a sidenote, after trying to logically group all the items in my pantry, I have a little less anger at the seemingly illogical placement of many grocery items. (Maraschino cherries: baking needs, drinks aisle, or iced cream display?) It's harder than you'd think.
My only downer was Greg's lack of enthusiasm when I told him the project was in progress. "Haven't you done this before?" He asked. "It didn't last."
And that's the thing - it doesn't. It can't. A pantry has a constantly changing inventory, so it requires constant reorganization. It will never be maintenance free. But I think having bins where similar items can be pulled out all together and rummaged through will help, especially with enough labels to actually steer pantry raiders in the right direction.
I'm also hoping that by organizing it so I can pull out a bin and see everything in the back of the deep shelves that I will buy fewer duplicate items. Planning meals before I go to the grocery store and then checking my pantry inventory could prevent overcrowding, save money, and waste less food.
Who knows, maybe I'll read this post in five years and laugh hysterically at my optimism, but I think it is possible to stock a pantry wisely, keep it from being overly full, and use it to always have a few meals or snacks on hand for the days that the grocery store just isn't in the cards.
By the way, Greg fully redeemed himself by showing interest and enthusiasm when he came home and the project was completed, and by being nice about my love affair with the container store. It won't last forever, but it'll keep us more organized until next time. :)
Bonus: I also sorted all Will's outgrown clothing by size and type to put away for future use! Oh label maker meets container store meets Nana visiting, how I love you.
This included a complete cleansing and re-organization of our pantry, complete with a trip to the container store. Sure, I could have done it while taking care of Will, but we would have had cluttered countertops and dirty laundry for a week. (It's definitely one of those projects that gets far worse before it gets better.) So when an Angel of Baby Entertaining descended, it was pantry time!
I pulled everything out, sorted it into categories, and THEN made a list of what containers to purchase. (I was so impressed with myself for doing it in that order.) I would like to say I then measured the pantry and wrote down the dimensions, but actually I got incredibly lucky.
When I got home, I put my grouped items into bins, pulled out the label maker and went to town. Some of the boxes were easy to label - pasta, desserts. Pretty logical if you're looking for spaghetti or brownie mix. But the box with bread crumbs, corn meal, and oats? I almost labeled it "grains" and called it a day. But that wouldn't really help me if I was looking for one of those items or trying to remember where to put it back. So I typed out an individual label for each item in the bin rather than categorizing, and now I can actually find things without trying to guess whether bread crumbs should be in a bin labeled grains, flours, or cooking. As a sidenote, after trying to logically group all the items in my pantry, I have a little less anger at the seemingly illogical placement of many grocery items. (Maraschino cherries: baking needs, drinks aisle, or iced cream display?) It's harder than you'd think.
My only downer was Greg's lack of enthusiasm when I told him the project was in progress. "Haven't you done this before?" He asked. "It didn't last."
And that's the thing - it doesn't. It can't. A pantry has a constantly changing inventory, so it requires constant reorganization. It will never be maintenance free. But I think having bins where similar items can be pulled out all together and rummaged through will help, especially with enough labels to actually steer pantry raiders in the right direction.
I'm also hoping that by organizing it so I can pull out a bin and see everything in the back of the deep shelves that I will buy fewer duplicate items. Planning meals before I go to the grocery store and then checking my pantry inventory could prevent overcrowding, save money, and waste less food.
Who knows, maybe I'll read this post in five years and laugh hysterically at my optimism, but I think it is possible to stock a pantry wisely, keep it from being overly full, and use it to always have a few meals or snacks on hand for the days that the grocery store just isn't in the cards.
By the way, Greg fully redeemed himself by showing interest and enthusiasm when he came home and the project was completed, and by being nice about my love affair with the container store. It won't last forever, but it'll keep us more organized until next time. :)
Bonus: I also sorted all Will's outgrown clothing by size and type to put away for future use! Oh label maker meets container store meets Nana visiting, how I love you.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I love libraries.
Maybe my love affair began I had my first library card at the age of five, or perhaps even before I could walk, when Mom started bringing me to Baxter Memorial Library for story hour. Growing up, the library was one of my favorite places. I remember sitting on the floor in front of the card catalogues when I was in elementary school, systematically looking up every book filed under magic, dragons, or castles. (Yes, card catalogues. Remember those?) It was close enough for me to walk to, and by the age of 8 or 9 I loved the independent thrill of walking into a place where anything I wanted I could borrow and bring home.
I still love the library, and for even more reasons now. We were lucky enough to buy a house within walking distance of our town's main branch, and now I get to take my turn following in my mother's footsteps by placing Will in the stroller every Tuesday morning and going to "Book Babies". Twenty minutes of songs and stories, a nice walk through town, and an opportunity to watch Will observe other children and the librarian with wide eyes and big smiles. I look forward to the outing every week.
While I'm there, I browse the aisles for picture books to bring home and read to Will. I even return the ones I borrowed last week. Usually. But if I don't, I love knowing that any library fines go towards helping my library continue to offer free programs and lots of books to anyone in the community. (Most libraries also have a "friends" program where you can become a supporting member.)
I've had a ton of fun picking out titles to read to Will, especially since in his pre-verbal stage I am the one who gets to pick what we read. I'm taking full advantage of that, and it's been so much fun. Kids books are awesome! They're funny, happy, short, and have lots of pictures.
For example, check out Dragon Stew by Steve Smallman, a rhyming book about Vikings who decide to search for a dragon to make into stew. It's hilarious. Or Smile if You're Human by Neal Layton, where alien tourists come to earth hoping to see humans. I even found a book called The Day I Swapped My Dad for Two Goldfish. I'm not sure Will's even listening, but I'm having a blast!
I love owning the classics that will become favorites, but I also love freely exploring five or six new titles a week. With the library, I can read Will a new book every day. It's free, it's environmental, and I don't end up with an extra 365 books a year fighting for space on the shelves.
The library is great for adults, too.
I've subscribed to receive booklists summarizing the latest fiction, fantasy, and most requested books. They've got a whole page dedicated to book lists to help you decide what to read next.
I can request books or pay fines online, and with their interlibrary loan system I can usually get anything I'm looking for. Plus, when I request them I can pick them up at the front desk in under five minutes instead of searching the shelves with a baby in tow. I love checking out books of knitting patterns instead of buying expensive pattern books because I want to knit one thing, or reading a few chapters of popular parenting books before I decide which ones are worth buying to have in the house as a reference.
My library even offers museum passes that you can check out for one day to get into area museums free or for a minimal co-pay.
Libraries are awesome. Are you using yours?
I love the huge windows in the circular story hour room at my local library!
Will does too. Really.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Lecture Review: Dr. Harvey Karp "The Happiest Toddler on the Block"
I first encountered Dr. Harvey Karp's work by reading the phenomenally popular book "Happiest Baby on the Block", which teaches caregivers to calm crying newborns by replicating the environment of the womb and activating a calming reflex. Dr. Karp believes that humans are born a trimester early because we evolved to a brain (and therefore skull) size that prevented us from safely maturing in the womb prior to birth. Therefore, screaming newborns whose immediate needs have been met can often be very quickly calmed by using some combination of "The five S's": swaddling, sucking, side/stomach position, shushing, and swinging. I read the book and then Greg and I both watched the DVD, and using it with Will worked amazingly well. I liked the DVD better than the book, it took less time, and I found it more helpful to actually see the techniques in practice before Will was born. It was one of the best parenting tools we used in those first three months.
So when I heard Dr. Karp was coming to speak to the Mother's Forum about "Happiest Toddler on the Block", and that spouses were invited, I called my babysitter and got ready to learn about his recommendations for toddlers. He promised to teach us how to drastically reduce the length and number of our toddlers tantrums. Sounds good to me.
The Happiest Toddler on the Block strategies focus on teaching parents how to effectively communicate with and respond to their toddlers, which in turn drastically reduces tantrums. One of his main points is that when toddlers are upset, we tend to speak to them as calmly as possible, and this actually upsets them more.
Here's how he gets there:
Dr. Karp compares toddlers to cave-men; they're primitive. Literally. A clip he showed from his DVD had toddlers running around in cavemen outfits, and it is a compelling analogy when you watch their behavior. Their right brain function is more developed than their left, meaning they understand non-verbal cues and emotions far better than language, logic and patience. If you say one thing but your facial expressions imply something else, they will receive the second message and might not even process the actual words coming out of your mouth.
So you are dealing with a cave-man. You have a partial language barrier, and they're very emotional. Also, it stinks being a toddler because they are bad at everything and they almost never get their way if there's a struggle.
Not only that, but when something isn't going their way and they're upset, adults often become overly calm and void of emotion in response, trying to get them to calm down. Picture telling a friend that something upsetting has happened to you: someone rear-ended you in the parking lot, you ruined your favorite cashmere sweater in the dryer, whatever it is. How would you then feel if they told you in their calmest, happiest voice, that everything was ok and it would be fine? And the more upset you got, the calmer they acted?
I would feel pretty downright irritated. It might even escalate things. And Dr. Karp's argument is that that's how our children feel. And that while they can learn to deal with the fact that there will be many things in life that they want but can't have or won't get, they can't deal with having the people who matter most to them not understand how they feel.
His recommendation is that we express understanding of toddlers' emotions by mirroring back 1/3 of their emotion to them while we restate their problem. Simply using words to show our understanding won't work: cavemen, left-brain deficit, remember? We need to meet them partway by mirroring what they're feeling using tone, facial expressions, and gestures. This might sound crazy, but as Dr. Karp pointed out, most of us do it already. We do it with other adults ("Argh, that is so annoying, I HATE waiting at the DMV!!!") and we do it with our children when they are happy (Yay!!! Honey, you did it!! That is WONDERFUL!!!"). But because our first instinct with a screaming toddler is to calm them down, we react differently to their anger or distress than we do their positive emotions. Instead of mirroring back part of what they're feeling, we display the emotion we want them to feel. And because they're not being heard, they scream louder, and they get more frustrated. I might too.
The clips he showed from his DVD were pretty compelling.
Dr. Karp also suggested other ways you can help your toddler be less frustrated, like speaking toddler-ese and avoiding complex sentence structures and vocabulary, or by playing silly games with them where they get to win, teach you something, or watch you make a fool of yourself. He also had some great tricks for teaching your children to wait and delay gratification, something that greatly predicts academic and career success. So even if you're not sure about mirroring back your child's emotions, the DVD might be worth checking out.
We enjoyed the lecture, and we bought the DVD on the way out. I thought his ideas made sense, and the video clips showing them in practice were quite compelling. Yes, I realize that there were probably hundreds of hours of footage before he chose these examples, but given my success with Happiest Baby on the Block, and how much I liked his ideas, I am definitely going to give it a shot!
It really has me thinking about how to communicate and interact with Will in the future. Dr. Karp suggests that these techniques may be useful as early as eight months old, so that could be soon!
So when I heard Dr. Karp was coming to speak to the Mother's Forum about "Happiest Toddler on the Block", and that spouses were invited, I called my babysitter and got ready to learn about his recommendations for toddlers. He promised to teach us how to drastically reduce the length and number of our toddlers tantrums. Sounds good to me.
The Happiest Toddler on the Block strategies focus on teaching parents how to effectively communicate with and respond to their toddlers, which in turn drastically reduces tantrums. One of his main points is that when toddlers are upset, we tend to speak to them as calmly as possible, and this actually upsets them more.
Here's how he gets there:
Dr. Karp compares toddlers to cave-men; they're primitive. Literally. A clip he showed from his DVD had toddlers running around in cavemen outfits, and it is a compelling analogy when you watch their behavior. Their right brain function is more developed than their left, meaning they understand non-verbal cues and emotions far better than language, logic and patience. If you say one thing but your facial expressions imply something else, they will receive the second message and might not even process the actual words coming out of your mouth.
So you are dealing with a cave-man. You have a partial language barrier, and they're very emotional. Also, it stinks being a toddler because they are bad at everything and they almost never get their way if there's a struggle.
Not only that, but when something isn't going their way and they're upset, adults often become overly calm and void of emotion in response, trying to get them to calm down. Picture telling a friend that something upsetting has happened to you: someone rear-ended you in the parking lot, you ruined your favorite cashmere sweater in the dryer, whatever it is. How would you then feel if they told you in their calmest, happiest voice, that everything was ok and it would be fine? And the more upset you got, the calmer they acted?
I would feel pretty downright irritated. It might even escalate things. And Dr. Karp's argument is that that's how our children feel. And that while they can learn to deal with the fact that there will be many things in life that they want but can't have or won't get, they can't deal with having the people who matter most to them not understand how they feel.
His recommendation is that we express understanding of toddlers' emotions by mirroring back 1/3 of their emotion to them while we restate their problem. Simply using words to show our understanding won't work: cavemen, left-brain deficit, remember? We need to meet them partway by mirroring what they're feeling using tone, facial expressions, and gestures. This might sound crazy, but as Dr. Karp pointed out, most of us do it already. We do it with other adults ("Argh, that is so annoying, I HATE waiting at the DMV!!!") and we do it with our children when they are happy (Yay!!! Honey, you did it!! That is WONDERFUL!!!"). But because our first instinct with a screaming toddler is to calm them down, we react differently to their anger or distress than we do their positive emotions. Instead of mirroring back part of what they're feeling, we display the emotion we want them to feel. And because they're not being heard, they scream louder, and they get more frustrated. I might too.
The clips he showed from his DVD were pretty compelling.
Dr. Karp also suggested other ways you can help your toddler be less frustrated, like speaking toddler-ese and avoiding complex sentence structures and vocabulary, or by playing silly games with them where they get to win, teach you something, or watch you make a fool of yourself. He also had some great tricks for teaching your children to wait and delay gratification, something that greatly predicts academic and career success. So even if you're not sure about mirroring back your child's emotions, the DVD might be worth checking out.
We enjoyed the lecture, and we bought the DVD on the way out. I thought his ideas made sense, and the video clips showing them in practice were quite compelling. Yes, I realize that there were probably hundreds of hours of footage before he chose these examples, but given my success with Happiest Baby on the Block, and how much I liked his ideas, I am definitely going to give it a shot!
It really has me thinking about how to communicate and interact with Will in the future. Dr. Karp suggests that these techniques may be useful as early as eight months old, so that could be soon!
Caveman? This guy? Nah...
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